So where the hell is Torver?
As far as we can tell there is only one Torver in the whole country, in the world in fact, so it shouldn't be that difficult to find. But since everywhere in the Lake District is placed in relation to the M6 motorway I'll start there.
Leaving the M6 at Junction 36, take the A590 heading for Barrow. (Be careful here - the A590 becomes the A591 to Kendal, so you have to come off the dual carriageway at the first junction to remain on the A590. It is well signposted: "Barrow A590")
Turn right at Greenodd roundabout onto the A5092 (signposted to Workington & Whitehaven), then right again onto the A5084 (to Coniston). It's the first junction after the Farmer's Arms pub. Keep going up the side of Coniston Water and you will emerge at the 'T' junction opposite the Wilson Arms pub in Torver.
The numbers for the A593 (Broughton to Coniston) and A5084 (Torver to Greenodd) are not shown on this map until you home in close.
Warning: Don't rely too much on your SatNav or you might end up on Lank's farm where he displays an interesting collection of trucks, caravans, motor homes and car transporters he has gathered over the years, compliments of Tom Tom. (There is a small charge for admission)
The inclusion of the 'Waste Water Treatment Works' in the above illustration was for official purposes, the
map having been created for the Parish Plan. It does however indicate that Torver is a very effluent village.
If you've made it this far, well done, and the above illustration gives you the rough layout of the village. It's not quite accurate since some idiot built a new development (Butcher Moss) on this end of Green Cottages and Kai (our resident artist who drew that plan) hasn't got around to scribbling it in yet.
The map below (click on it for a bigger version) shows the Torver boundary (in grey) with the three Torver Commons. High, Back and Low, although should you be contemplating a ramble across Back Common to the boundary's eastern edge, be sure to wear wellies.
From the village centre we have the new Torver Trail accessible from the A5084 close to the junction or through the Church House Inn car park. It is a beautiful walk that will take you all the way to Coniston roughly following the A593, although it does cross it at one point so take care.
There is also a footpath that runs right up the side of Coniston Water to Coniston.
Follow the A5084 a long way down, past Lakeland Landrover, round a few bends until you come to a small, rough parking area on your left. Take great care on the road - it's bendy and dangerous. Look for the 'Torver Commons' and 'Farm Track' signs, then 'Public Footpath Coniston via Lake Shore'.
OR... From the village centre go along the A5084 to the first right hand bend and take the single track road off to your left. Follow it past Hollis and High Stile until you reach a footpath off to your right with a sign: 'FOOTPATH ONLY No bikes horses or vehicles' (pity they left out the comma). This path will take you down to the Torver Jetty on Coniston Water.
OR... Further along the single track road, or coming the other way off the A593 to the Old Rectory Hotel, you'll find the road to the Priestley Centre and Hoathwaite Campsite. This will also take you down to the water.
The history of the Torver Cairn (otherwise known as the Torver Monument) is described in the Hunting News article in the Nobbut Torver Archive. Some foolish people have disputed this account but the truth will become clear in the reading of it.
You'll find a slot on the wall.
The village hall is also known as the Schoolroom because... er... it used to be the village school.